Ask Amy: A depressed parent worries a depressed child

Dear Amy: My 83 year old widowed mother is depressed and I don’t know how to help.

He refuses to see a doctor and sees drugs as a way to protect himself. She has always been a private person, generally distrusts doctors, and will never leave her shields to a stranger.

I told him that I’m not a doctor, but recently he started telling me things that even when I’m older I shouldn’t have heard.

Depression runs in the family. I’ve seen a doctor in the past and am on medication, so I understand and sympathize, but it’s getting to the point where I’m afraid to see him, yet I know I’m the only one who can save him.

How can I help him?

— Anxiety

Dear Worried: Sometimes people begin to reveal a long-term or suppressed trauma very late in life, when – for various reasons (medical, emotional, and cognitive) – their defenses are lowered. Studies of WWII survivors have shown that the strong and stoic “Greatest Generation” experienced nightmares, vivid memories of traumatic events and suffered from depression late in life.

He cites one study: “In older people, early symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) may not appear, but major depression can I was born out of rehashed memories of traumatic experiences.”

Therapy helps. Medicine helps. However, many elders are opposed to the idea of ​​therapy in the same way that your mother is.

My first suggestion is that you should resume your treatment (or telehealth) immediately, in order to deal with this burden, which is your cause.

I encourage you to find healthy ways to open up and be present to your mother, while resisting the temptation to try to provide answers or your own form of therapy for her.